Result-related Techniques To Boost Assertiveness

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The 'Assertiveness Coffee Cards' (ACCs) present thirty two techniques for boosting assertiveness, with scores in a four-dimension space where the axes are 'You', 'The Other', 'Thinking' and 'Results'. This presentation has been adopted by Cutesolutions for all its techniques for personal development and business management. It has been adopted following research on the effectiveness of communication between people and has proven to be a very appropriate approach to learning personal skills. The results-related techniques are of paramount importance, though their use should be done with utmost care. Indeed, these techniques usually tend to ignore the impact on the other person, running the risk of creating animosities, resistance and feelings of discontent. Yet, resorting to the result-related techniques may be necessary in some circumstances and keeps the focus on the main and overriding reason behind the communication with the other person.

Being centred and self-confident puts you in a state of mind where speaking out your thoughts and looking after your interests are not inhibited by personal feelings such as fear or low-esteem. The impact of your thoughts is greater the more you express yourself in an appropriate manner that touches the heart and mind of the other person. This requires the ability to read what is in someone's mind. Because communication is a dynamic and interactive process, there are also techniques for organising your thoughts and choosing the right responses. However, the bottom line is that the use of all these techniques would be like 'nice chatter without meaning' if you loose sight of the results you want to achieve. Therefore, the ACCs include a class of techniques with high scores on the 'results' axis.

Nevertheless, a word of cautious is in order. Most of what we do, in private or professional lives, amount in fact to the implementation of small or larger projects. For example, ordering a bottle of good wine for a nice and cosy meal can be viewed and small project. Of course, we do not necessarily apply the project management methodologies to such small projects. But, the fact of the matter remains that such methodologies do apply even to such small projects. In essence, these methodologies are based on the logical framework where various elements (i.e. objective, results, activities and assumptions) are looked at in a consistent, logical and critical manner. We do undertake certain activities to realise desired results. These are in turn desired for their ability to lead to a given objective. But, the chain of causality between activities, results and objectives is only valid as long as certain assumptions turn out to be true. The point is that our instance on getting desired results should be subjected to a critical analysis and it should be put to the test of questioning on whether one is undertaking the right activities, whether the results themselves are conducive to achieving the set objectives and whether the underlying assumptions are still valid.

This is being said, there are however instances where you may conclude that achieving the desired results is of paramount importance, no matter what. In such cases, the use of techniques from the 'results' class is warranted. These techniques include such well known ones such as fogging, broken record, negative assertion and purpose above pleasing. In any case, this class of techniques help in focussing attention on the results. Hence, there is a need from the start for subjecting these results to a critical analysis. During the communication itself, the techniques ensure that you keep focus on the desired results and show you how to make some concessions if required to achieve the results.

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How Enthusiasm Can Help You Reach Your Goals

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If enthusiasm can be bought as an item from a store, do you think it will sell? And if it does, just how much are you willing to pay for it?

I believe your response will be: “You must be kidding. It’ll be a sellout. The store might probably run out of stock, you’ll have to wait in queue for a long time before you can get your order no matter the price.”

Just how important is enthusiasm in goal realization; in one’s life? It is so important that it occupies one of the top slots in the list of elements needed for successful living. It is so important that it is one of the deciding factors to realize one’s goal.

There is no doubt that everyone likes talking to enthusiastic people, unless a person likes to be in a gloomy state, which I doubt that person does. Enthusiastic people keep the conversation alive and upbeat. You feel like you are partying. And when you feel like partying, you’d wish the night will never end.

Enthusiasm brings out the hyper character in us. It is like adding more wood to a bonfire making you feel like you want to roast marshmallows in it. Honestly, as I am writing this, I’m beginning to be more enthusiastic myself.

The point is, enthusiasm is contagious like a disease. This is one contagious disease that has a desirable effect. Matter of fact, enthusiasm is the only disease everybody wants to contract. If there is a category in the Guinness Book of World Records of being the contagious disease most people would like to have with them, it is enthusiasm. Law enforcers would probably ban quarantine of this disease.

Now, just how do you get enthusiastic especially when your surroundings, the weather condition, and the general situation feels down and out?

Here are some helpful tips to develop enthusiasm:

- Adopt the “as if” principle. It is believed that this was first stated by Professor William James, at times known as the father of American Psychological Science. This is an effective time and people tested principle.

I would suggest at this point that you try to apply the “as if” principle with someone near or beside you to confirm its effectiveness. Think creatively.

Another similar principle is the “what if”. If you are in the business of developing products of specialized use, you are most likely exposed to a lot of experimentation. When you come up with an idea on a product you’d like to try even if the idea seems unconventional, would you try it? Would you be saying to yourself: “What if I try to…”

- Adapt enthusiasm into the “practice makes perfect” principle. In other words, be enthusiastic on almost everything you do every day no matter how insignificant they are, no matter how small they are. All those small things when added up become big. This is the “as if” principle in small ways.

- As you wake up each morning, be enthusiastic about the things you are going to do that day. Bring enthusiasm to even the routinely morning chores like taking a shower, getting dressed, eating breakfast, taking the bus or driving your car (even in heavy traffic), in the office up to the time you reach home for dinner till you go to bed, enthusiastically looking forward to tomorrow.

- Remember that each day in your life is God’s gift to you. Show your appreciation to Him for the gift you receive by being nice to other people, helping others and thanking Him through prayers.

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The Importance of Direction

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When seeking out a goal, it’s important to completely understand where you are, what obstacles you have been battling, and what strategies you can use to overcome them.

Identifying goals and priorities is vital to a successfully balanced life. A few years ago I was keynoting at a mental health conferences in Washington state. I asked the roomful of professionals to find a pen and a piece of paper and answer the following question within 30 seconds: What are the three driving motivators (priorities) for this season of your life? Amazingly, only five-perfect of the attendees were able to complete the task.

Most people have been asked to do this at some point — either in school or at work or as part of a self-improvement program. Still many people get flustered when the topic of goals comes up. Fear of setting goals too high, fear of commitment, and not knowing what course to chart are just a few reasons people shudder at the concept of goals. Yet goals remain an important part of the value system.

Imagine leaving Los Angeles with the instructions to go to New York. Obviously, it would be easier to accomplish this with a map. Without a map, the trip would be nearly impossible, or require much more time and effort than the simple process of purchasing a map. Goals work the same way. They allow you to identify where you are and the path to get from one point to the other. The most common pitfall of people designing goals is the failure to use their designs as a map.

When goals are recorded and then set aside, this is as useful as putting a map in your glove box, yet expecting to know which road to take. Goals need to be consulted regularly, just like a map, and if you get off course, you need to re-evaluate and make a new plan. To design a goal map, first identify an area of your life where you seek advancement. Use that area to work through the goal process that follows. For this example, I’ll use the goal of starting a part-time business for extra income. Here are the steps needed to make the map.

Identify the exact goal. In one sentence, clarify the goal you are aiming to accomplish as specifically as possible. Example: To open a part-time tax business that brings in $300 a month in extra income (gross).

Identify a completion date. My business will be established in eighteen months.

Identify the evolution of the goal. What major points and steps happen during this time period?

A. The basics of establishing a business, permits, licensing, updating certification, financial.

B. The marketing and announcement of the business.

C. The grand opening of the business. Using this evolution assign each major step a date.

Fill in the blanks. Now take an in-depth look at what is needed to get to point A, from point A to point B, etc. Write these steps down in specific detail and assign each a date.

The basic template construction of your goal is complete. Type this up, print it out, and keep a copy in your planner. Check your progress against this goal regularly. If you get off track, don’t give up, just sit down and retrace your steps, adjusting the plan as necessary.

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